One Of Those Days
For the most part, I feel my Friday columns are fairly positive. Sure I trash the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (well deserved) and the current state of music (again well deserved) but it’s usually more about digging into my pile of music and finding stuff that the readers might like to listen to.
Today, is not that day.
Today, it’s grey out. Today it’s raining and I can’t go outside so I am stuck inside. To clean. Ugh! So, I am in one of those moods and you know what happens when I get in one of those moods? I look for the worst songs in creation and let me tell you, it’s pretty easy.
Over the years there have been millions of songs recorded and put on vinyl or disc or just streamed to the World. Less than one per cent of those pieces of music are worth listening to.
Once again, this is only my opinion and it’s done for fun, nothing more but I often wonder if the artist that wrote, produced and recorded some of these gems really knew how bad the song (or songs) were. They have to know by now, I am sure or is there ego such that they think they produced a classic?
I won’t start with what is arguably the worst song of the rock era, “Sister Christian” by Night Ranger. Ugh. Maybe the worst song ever recorded.
Obviously, I am not and have never been a fan of the power ballad.
Listening to Asia makes my skin crawl. Why play “In the Heat of The Moment” when you can play “Roundabout” or “Lucky Man”? Asia was this supposed supergroup formed by the combination of members of Yes and Emerson Lake and Palmer. How could so much talent create such a horrible group? It’s like crossing Bradley Cooper and Salma Hayek and producing a Karl Malden baby.
Next on my dubious list is Toto. God awful band from the late 70’s. “Hold the Line” can run neck and neck with “Sister Christian” as the worst song ever. A good friend of mine argued this point by saying that the reason I hate the song is because it was so overplayed that you got sick of it. Not true, I say, I have heard “Stairway to Heaven” 4 million times and I still think it’s a great song. Bad is bad. That’s it.
I know the next selection will be blasphemy to many but I would have to put almost any KISS song ever recorded on this list. They got their start on Long Island, I know, but they still suck. I do give them credit however because they created a ton of music and were a supposedly awesome live act. Yet, I can’t get past how bad a song “Beth” is.
Another group that may have been overplayed is Foreigner. I have mixed emotions about them for sure. I do think they were very talented musicians and they had a plethora of hits but there is something I just don’t like about songs like “Head Games” or “Feels Like The First Time”. If I am going to Hell, that is what I will be forced to listen to.
Another group from the same era is REO Speedwagon. Overplayed, over produced schlock. “Roll With The Changes” is is almost unlistenable and if you dig into their catalog, there really isn’t much there. There are two points that I will make. One is, they have maybe one of the best album titles ever, You Can Tune a Piano, But You Can’t Tuna Fish. The other thing is that they met their manager in college and he was none other than Irving Azoff. Azoff was and is one of the most powerful players in the record industry. Nice friend to have.
My next dubious selection could be a challenger for worst song ever. Europe’s “Final Countdown”. OMG, how bad can a song be? I saw some commercial that used this song for some microwave product. It made sense. That’s the only thing that makes sense about this assault on your ears.
Now let’s get to Def Leopard. Never got this one. They could be a heavy metal band. They could be a glam band. They could be a hair band. Not sure, all I know is that “Pour Some Sugar on Me” makes me wretch. “Hysteria” is even worse.
I may have mentioned this song before in an earlier column but it bares repeating. Jefferson Starship’s “Built This City” is probably the worst song by a group that actually produced some very good music. The bands I have listed so far have pretty much all sucked, but Jefferson Airplane/Starship actually produced some of the most influential music of the 60’s and 70’s and to see them resort to this crap is disturbing. How do you go from a beautiful ballad like “Miracles” to this junk? God only knows.
I typically don’t write much on the Beatles, mainly because there really is nothing left to say but what is amazing about their history is that each member of the band, individually, has produced some truly horrible songs. Take for instance, George Harrison. You can look at “Isn’t it a Pity” and just enjoy the beauty of the song or you can turn around and listen to “I Got My Mind Set on You”. How does that even happen? There are numerous other Harrison songs that I could include. Obviously, they don’t reach the lows of many of my selections but it’s the fall from brilliance I am talking about.
Continuing on the Beatle theme, I could include pretty much every Ringo Starr song ever recorded. Poppy, sappy, stupid. I don’t have one song in my library and I never will.
McCartney was always hit or miss. I am one of the few that loved Ram. Not sure why, maybe it’s the memories it brings back.
As for John Lennon. He was never my cup of tea but I can say that there are several songs I do love and I couldn’t pick out any I hate.
Speaking of truly legendary groups that have produced gut-wrenchingly horrible songs, Fleetwood Mac and “Rhiannon”. This is a song that I hated from the minute I first heard it. I can’t stand Stevie Nicks and I do get how great this band is but I just can’t get past her stupid act on stage. Fortunately, they have produced way more great music than bad music and that’s what I will always enjoy.
I am not one sided here. I will dig into my favorite bands as well as the ones I like the least and I am anything if I am not honest about The Who. They have produced 4 legendary albums, 3 very good ones and the rest are pure trash. To pick a song from that trash pile is not easy, it’s hurtful but I will go with “Squeezebox”. What was Peter Townsend thinking? BTW, “Sister Disco” comes in a close second.
These are just a few of the truly miserable pieces of music out there. I have gotten some comments over the years about some genres from different eras and while I am reexamining the 60’s bubble gum/pop music era, It’s starting to grow on me. Not sure why. Nostalgia perhaps? Music from the mid 90’s on could also be feast for someone looking for bad music but I tend to avoid the junk and only listen to a select few songs from that era. Needless to say, rock and roll ended at around Y2K.
You may see a new list of bad songs soon if the weather doesn’t clear up.