In the spirit of September Grumpy, I want to dive into some music on this Friday that I just don’t get. I am not talking about Rap or Hip Hop. While I am not a big fan of either, I can see the attraction for some people to this music. Also, EDM is another thing I don’t get but I can see why it’s popular and I am trying to be a little more open minded in my old age.
What I really don’t get is people’s continued love for certain groups or songs and I know music is subjective but come on, some of this is just lousy. It doesn’t take some fine tuned ear to see that the following songs or groups suck.
I start with my all time least favorite, Morrissey and The Smiths. I truly do not get the fascination with this group or this depressing excuse of an artist. Listen to any of their songs lyrics and you will understand what I am talking about. Example one “Girlfriend in a Coma”. Jeez. This is something I want to listen to? That will be no thanks. Or try these lyrics on for size: “Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking
When I said I'd like to smash every tooth In your head, Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking” or “And if a double-decker bus
Crashes into us
To die by your side
Is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side
Well, the pleasure, the privilege is mine”
I mean, that is a love song? This band and Morrissey especially are truly the most depressing artists I have ever heard and I am not sure that I understand what the hoopla is all about. I literally want to smash my head into a fire hydrant after listening to their music. Maybe, thats the point.
While the Smiths and Morrissey are depressing and I know I am missing something, listening to America is the exact opposite. This was a band from the 70’s that had great harmonies and sang songs about America and the hope that America is. I have no problem with them or their music, my issue is trying to understand why Sirius XM Radio insists on playing at least three songs by America every two hours on the three channels I stream into my house 24/7. There are probably 30,000 songs to choose from and the rotation of this group is mind boggling. They get more airplay now than they did when they were releasing number one hits. I just don’t get it.
On a similar vein is Badfinger. Sirius XM radio will play a Badfinger song every two hours 24/7 and I just don’t get it. They were not that big a deal while they were active. Their claim to fame was that they were the first act, outside The Beatles, to sign with Apple records. Mediocre music that sounded like a Paul McCartney side hustle and yet they live on like they were The Beatles.
Now to delve into just plain crap. I have already brought up “Sister Christian” by Night Ranger and expressed my dismay at the whole Night Ranger Catalog so I will look at some other terrible songs that every time I hear them I change the channel as fast as possible.
This one will surely set off a few alarm bells but Poison’s “Every Rose has its Thorn” is terrible. I never like Poison to start off with and this song just put a nail in that coffin. It also killed heavy metal for a long time. Power ballad by such a rancid band as Poison? It’s like Van Morrison doing Hip Hop. It doesn’t work.
The next song is a prime example of a great group, regrouped and ready for pop fame. Jefferson Airplane had a bunch of iterations and each iteration got worse and worse until they became Starship. Forget all the history and legal hassles, this band should never have existed. To be fair, while Grace Slick was still in the band, they had some legendary vocals but the writing was so bad, she headed for Marin County, never to be heard from again and the group just put out terrible music for four years. Their worst song (not by much, since all of their music was atrocious) was “We Built This City”. Listen to it again and tell me it isn’t the worst song ever created on this planet or any other.
To add more insult to injury, my next abomination is Asia. Period. Any song they recorded is an afront to anyone with any taste (Bad or otherwise) in music. Holy smokes, they were terrible. Maybe the worst of this mess is “In The Heat of The Moment”. This song still gets tons and airplay and I scream, “But Why!!”
My next song is in the category of really bad songs by really good artists. I am going to be kind here because these artists are talented and have brought us great music over the years so they can be forgiven.
First one in this bunch of nastiness is “Sussudio” by Phil Collins. It’s a stupid, lousy song and if Phil Collins wasn’t a legend, I would suggest meeting up with Morrissey and doing what Morrissey does best.
Next is The Who’s “You Better, You Bet”. Ugh, my all time favorite band released album after album of crap after Keith Moon died. It may be a weak excuse but it obviously destroyed Pete Townsend’s ability to write anything worth listening to. This is a group that put out four legendary albums and twelve really bad ones. The decline was fast and unexpected.
This isn’t even a rock song, “Ebony and Ivory” by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder meant well but the song and it’s lyrics sucked. In my humble opinion, it is one the least listenable songs ever recorded by two major stars (Yeah, I know some of those Tony Bennet Duet tracks are head scratchers). Again, what were they thinking?
Not being a Grateful Dead head, I have to say that the popular choice would be “Dancing in The Streets” but I would like to dig deeper into the muck and come up with “Blow Away”. A nothing song by a band that never did nothing songs.
Another artist that has some truly great music and some really bad stuff as well is Billy Joel. He has gone through phases (along with wives) of genius storytelling and just plain filler material for albums and again, it’s not easy picking the worst but I will give it a shot.”You’re Only Human” is a useless tune. Lyrically, musically it sucks. This should be the ‘C’ side of any record. In other words it should have been left off of The Greatest Hits Album. I love Billy Joel and I cut him a lot of slack. Hey, I love The Stranger album but sometimes, you just have to tell it like it is and this song is abysmal.
The Steve Miller Band had a string of terrible songs from 1973 on. “The Joker” being the worst of the bunch. How a guy with such talent, such a rich background and a love for the blues like Steve Miller could fall so far into a wasteland of bad music is beyond me. “The Joker” was the start of it and he never really reached that level of lousy again. Thats not to say anything after it was any good but nothing was as bad.
The best(or worst) for last. The Worlds Greatest Rock and Roll Band has released what, 49 album give or take 20? So surely, there is an abundance of bad material among the good and picking their worst song is hard because there really are a lot of mediocre songs in their catalog. However, I am going to nominate “Indian Girl”. To be fair, I have probably only heard the song maybe three times and said each time, “Wow, that was bad” so thats my methodology. The other thing I want to point out is, I haven’t heard all of the thousands of tracks the Stones recorded over the last 60 years so maybe there is something in there that is worse. Let me know what you think.
I don’t make excuses for this column. They recorded it, they should be held responsible, I am just a messenger.
Dear Messenger, Thanks for starting my weekend with laughter. Your analysis of these groups with Your opinions had me laughing out loud at times! Thanks Again!!